We Are Siamese

Posted on 4/23/2014 05:52:00 PM
These are not the greatest pictures -- they are snapped from my phone, because, as anyone who has cats knows, when you see a cat doing something interesting and/or cute, you have no time to go find your camera and take a proper picture - even if it is right on the table beside you - because by the time you turn around, that cat will sense that you are trying to get a picture of it doing a Thing and it will stop doing that Thing.  

Out of spite.

Also, a cat will do a Thing eighty-some-odd times and drive you crazy by doing that Thing over and over again, but the minute, no, THE SECOND, you try and show someone else that your cat does a Thing, the cat will stop doing that Thing. Forever.

Basically, your cats hate you.

I know some of you think that your cats are your constant companions and depend on your for warmth and companionship, but the truth is, they will gleefully murder you in your sleep and then eat your face if they ever grow thumbs and learn to pull the trigger on a shotgun.  

But they are fluffy.  Can't say that much for kids.

Here is Maggie looking regal.



And here is Barker, looking, well... looking as Barker is wont to look.  He hates it when we go outside and leave the screen door open, I suppose because he is not invited to The Outside and also too chicken to go to The Outside, so as long as he can see us in The Outside, he will sit at this door and alternate non-stop pawing at the window with licking the glass.  


"I like pizza."

Siamese are supposed to be pretty smart cats, but I think we got a copy of a copy of a copy in this one.

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Buried Treasure

Posted on 4/22/2014 05:34:00 PM
This week, we ordered a bunch of gravel for an unnamed project The KingofHearts has going on in the backyard.  

Or we ordered it to amuse the Shortlings. 

You tell me who got more use out of it.






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Easter Gratitude

Posted on 4/21/2014 06:09:00 PM
Easter was pretty low-key, as it generally is in our house. We threw some plastic eggs in the yard in the dark the night before for The Shortlings to find the next morning and for the squirrels to find even before then. We always end up with few plastic eggs that are chewed open and missing the candy that was left inside.  I consider it an offering to our new squirrel overlords.  

I also left a couple of chocolate rabbits on the kitchen table.  The Caterpillar is trying desperately to believe in the Easter Bunny for some reason, which is weird because last year she didn't.  She got up early Sunday morning and quickly spied the eggs in the yard, then found the chocolate rabbits shortly after that.  I heard her gasp loudly in the kitchen by herself (no one else was up yet) and then sigh, and intone in the sweetest, most wistful voice she could muster, 

"Thank you Easter Bunny.  WhereEVER you are."

Then she ran into the bedroom to wake up The KingofHearts by jumping on his genitals.

Here are a few photos to mark the occasion.







I'm going to show that last one at their graduation.

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Spring... Finally

Posted on 4/21/2014 05:27:00 PM
It's hard to believe it, I know, but it's Spring. 

Also, I just discovered the marco setting on my new camera lens.  

Let us rejoice.








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It Means Corners or Intersections of Geometric Shapes*

Posted on 4/18/2014 07:17:00 AM In:
Dormouse: "OW!"

KingofHearts: "What happened?"

DM: "OWW.  STUPID THING!"

KoH: "What did you do?"

DM: "I clipped my elbow on that cabinet.  Ow... stupid... vertex!"

KoH: "That's a pretty fancy word for someone who just banged their own arm against a cabinet."




*I had to look it up

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Core Strength

Posted on 4/17/2014 07:00:00 AM
Every night before The Shortlings go to bed, The KingofHearts reads to them.  Usually it's some fantasy book that I would never myself choose to read and they bond over it, coming up with insider references and ideas for Halloween costumes that I would never understand, because while they are reading, I am hiding in my room for the twenty minutes a day that I get to myself.  

Well, The Dormouse and The KingofHearts bond over the story, anyway.  The Caterpillar wants very badly to be in the room while they read... and is.  But while he reads, The Dormouse listens and The Caterpillar does this:


and this:


and this:


She also watches television like this and if you think that's not distracting, next time you want to watch a serious drama with lots of action and complicated dialogue that requires your full attention, try doing with a cirque du soliel performance going on in between you and the screen.

Here, she demonstrates the unusually developed core strength she has for a six year old. 
 


If I had abs like that, well, I wouldn't need to work for a living.

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Cherry Blossoms

Posted on 4/16/2014 11:28:00 AM In:
Speaking of cherry blossoms, believe it or not, the Tidal Basin is not the only place in D.C. where you can see them blooming. It's just the only place where a tourist can easily push you into the water while trying to take his fiftieth picture of a family member in front of the trunk of a tree.  There are other good places too... and you don't even have to bring your life jacket.




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Corinthian*

Posted on 4/15/2014 11:22:00 AM In:
It's finally spring in the nation's capitol, so we endeavored to make a day of it this weekend and spend some time outside.  It was a great idea, but The Caterpillar was in a pissy mood and whined about every little thing from the grass touching her feet to the great injustice of others around her requiring that she walk on her own power, until finally, we just decided to go home after spending only a few minutes with the National Capitol Columns (one of my favorite places in the city) and the Bonsai collection at the National Arboretum. 

I later found out that some friends were there about the same time we were and I said they'd probably seen us -- at least if they noticed a station wagon with a back seat full of whining kids.  His response was, "Do you know how many station wagons with whining kids were there on Saturday? (A fair response would be, 'Not nearly as many as there were near the tidal basin.')"

Point taken.






*That's the name of the type of column seen in these pictures and I didn't even have to look it up.  That art history class I took in college just keeps giving and giving.

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Anatomy of a Fit

Posted on 4/09/2014 06:07:00 PM
Last weekend I got The KingofHearts and I tickets to see The Manhattan Transfer, because - and I do not think I am not exaggerating here - they are the greatest singing group known to mankind.  

You may not agree, and that's fine, but that's just how seriously I take those four and their band.  

So you can see why, when we suddenly found ourselves without a babysitter, I pawned my kids off on someone prevailed upon a friend and her family to watch them so our tickets didn't have to go to waste.  I usually like to have someone watch them in our home so they can go to bed at a reasonable hour.  When they are at someone else's house, that doesn't always happen. But that wasn't an option for various reasons, so we left them at this friend's place.  And, as expected, when we got back to pick up The Shortlings and found they were both awake way too late at night, I knew there'd be a price to pay.  Sure, they looked happy enough -- The Dormouse was watching a movie and The Caterpillar was busy on a computer someone had foolishly let her use, playing the songs from Frozen on a perpetual loop, probably for the past three hours.

So, two things about The Caterpillar: 1) she does not deal well with extended periods of screen time exposure.  Neither of my kids do, as a matter of fact.  They are happy to play a computer game for two to six hours straight, but everyone will pay for it later because they become cranky, belligerent jerkoffs for the rest of the day and no one likes that. Least of all, me.  So we do our best to limit their time in front of screens, particularly computer games.  Number 2) thing about The Caterpillar: She does not handle Tired well. Oh I know no kid does, but she is particularly bad with physical symptoms like Hungry and Tired.  This is why my kids have a relatively early bedtime and we don't tend to leave them at people's house where they play fast and loose with Going to Bed at a Not-Stupid Kind of Hour.

Fast forward to the end of the evening.  We walked in, both kids were fine and happy.  We stayed to talk to some of the adults that were there and my girlfriend said, nodding at The Caterpillar, "Once, while she was back there, she just started crying for no reason.  Then she stopped and it was fine after that."

"Yeah, she's tired," I said, "She doesn't do well with Tired.  She just needs to be in bed."

"Well, she was fine after that and has been happy ever since."

"For now," I corrected, "but the time bomb is ticking on that one."

We talked for a little while longer and then got ready to go.  I told both girls to go find their shoes and we started to make our way through the house.  At this point, it's about 11:30 pm not ridiculously late, but late enough. 

As I was walking out, The Caterpillar tugged on my shirt tails and I looked down at the tears in her eyes as she suddenly started crying great dripping tears, "But I never got cake!"

I had no idea what this meant, but I wasn't about to feed her cake at 11:30 pm even if there was cake, so I just told her we'd worry about it later, but now we had to go home.

This turned into a knock down, drag out, screamfest, complete with her throwing her entire six year old body on the floor kicking, screaming and with the patented Curly Howard Floor Spin but not in a funny Yuk Yuk Yuk kind of way.

"CAAAAKE!!!! I NEVER GOT CAKE!!!!!"

The owner of the house didn't have any more cake.

"CAAAAKE!!!"

She kicked. She bawled, She screamed.

"IIIIIII WAAAAANT CAAAAKE."

Someone pointed out that she ate an entire bag of chips, three sodas, several cookies and eighy-six pieces of candy.

"BUT I DIDN'T GET CAAAAAKE!!!

Someone tried to put shoes on her feet, Cinderella-style and distract her.

"BUT CAAAAKE!"

A guest of the house offered to go home and get more cake.

"BUT I WANT CAAAAKE NOW!!!

Someone else offered at Twinkie as a substitute for cake.

That's when I was about to do the Curly Howard Floor Spin because NO I AM NOT GOING TO REWARD THIS BEHAVIOR WITH CAKE AND ALSO IT IS 11:30 AT NIGHT STOP OFFERING HER CAKE.

Finally, I picked her up, threw her over my shoulder, walked out the door and deposited her in the car.  Then I got in the car and waited for the rest of my family to figure out we'd gone, while I texted my friend in my best sarcastic texting font (we really need one of those, by the way), "So I guess that was goodbye, let me know when you want to watch her again! :)"

It was actually really uncharacteristic for The Caterpillar to lose it like that, so, while totally exasperated, we were fairly philosophical about it all and just drove home wordlessly, while she calmed down and heaved great sobs, each successively quieter. Then we dumped her in bed; she was asleep before her head hit the pillow.  It was over.

Except it wasn't.

Because the next day, we had to take The Dormouse to her Solo and Ensemble festival and while we were waiting in line, we got bored and probably a little slap happy, and The KoH and I started randomly calling out, "BUT I NEVER GOT CAAAAKE!"  And that would make the other person laugh hysterically, and embarrass The Caterpillar greatly, who would hide her face in her jacket every time we did it. Then when we finally got calmed down and serious again, someone else would moan, "CAAAAAAAKE!" and we'd all start guffawing again while The Caterpillar got really mad, which made the whole thing even funnier and I explained that if she was going to act silly she better be prepared to deal with the aftermath and YES I AM A MONSTER.

Then, still waiting, I texted my friend, "BUT I NEVER GOT CAKE!"

And she texted back, "Still?? You know, I could make a cake and bring it over..." 

To which I responded, "NO I WAS JUST KIDDING OH MY GOSH YOU SO DO NOT GET IT."

And then I told some of my friends at work and we all laughed hysterically and now someone will randomly moan while walking through the hallway, "But I didn't get caaaaake!" on the way to the bathroom.
 
And that's been going on for days.

"CAAAAKE!"

The Caterpillar eventually overcame her embarrassment by our antics... somewhat.  But then we declared that she would now, henceforward be called, not Caterpillar, but Cake and she got mad at us all over again. It was only after we and threw her a bone and gave everyone on the family nicknames as well (Junk, Buttfunk, and BoobsMcGee... I'll let you figure out which nickname belongs to whom) that she finally found the humor in it all.

It's a hard thing to be a member of this family.  I figure if these children survive it, they'll be ready for the anything the cold, cruel world has to throw at them.

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Gimme All Your Luvin

Posted on 4/06/2014 07:33:00 AM
So much going on from now until the end of school, I often forget to feed The Children, which is how we ended up in the Burger King drive-through the other night.  Both girls ordered a kids' meal, which, as we who have kids always know, is only because it comes with a toy. 

Anxious to get home and stick all the bad-tempered girls into bed, I shoved the money through the car window, grabbed the food, then sped off.  Only when we were a good two miles down the road did the girls open their bags and look inside.

Caterpillar: "OH MAAAAAN!  I got a boy toy!"

Dormouse: "I GOT A BOY TOY TOOOooooo!"

Me: "Well, nothing we can do about it now.  Plus, boy toys can be fun too."

Dormouse: "That's true.  Boy toys CAN be fun too."

Caterpillar: "Momma why are you laughing?"

In about six years, I'm gonna hate to hear either one of them say that.  But for now, I was just too tired to explain.

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This Post is Not Yet Rated

Posted on 3/29/2014 08:39:00 AM In:
I only heard the punchline to this conversation so I don't know how it started.  Suffice it to say, we probably need to not only explain to our children that there ARE words that are inappropriate for them to say and maybe go one step further and tell them WHICH words are inappropriate for them to say.

The KingofHearts: "The Dormouse is a smart ass."

Caterpillar: "Yeah, Sister is a bleep-ass."

KoH: "You bleeped the wrong word, numbskull."

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And That's Exactly What The Paragraph Said

Posted on 3/26/2014 05:48:00 PM In:
"Mom, can you read the introduction to my science project?"

"Sure." *reads entire thing aloud*

"You like it?"

"Yes."

"Is it good?" 

"It's actually really good."

"Thanks.  I'm pretty good when it comes to connecting heartfelt emotion and science."

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Snowcovered Latticework

Posted on 3/25/2014 10:34:00 AM
It's the sixth day of Spring and it's snowing. No one's very happy about it, but look how pretty:

 

Of course, the fact that school didn't manage to get closed today might have something to do with my outlook.

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Spring Snowstorm

Posted on 3/19/2014 06:27:00 PM
So how was your St. Patrick's Day? 


Because my croci (it's correct; I looked it up) have seen better days.



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A St. Patrick's Day Story

Posted on 3/17/2014 09:26:00 PM


Last year we were invited to St. Patrick's Day dinner at the house of an acquaintance at church. They promised corned beef and cabbage and even though I didn't know these people well, I agreed because they were Irish and CORNED BEEF.

I don't know if I've appropriately conveyed the concept of just how much of a hermit I am here on this blog, but I didn't really want to go because of how much of a hermit I am.  There.  The KingofHearts has tried over the years to get me to be a social kind of person and honestly, it's a lost cause.

KoH: "They invited us for dinner."

Me: "Why? We have food here."

KoH: "Because it's a social kind of thing to do and because they maybe think of us as friends or want to get to know us better and they seem like nice people so maybe we should go and make a new friend."

Me: "I don't need another friend. I have two!"

KoH: "Sorry, we're going. Did I mention they're serving corned beef?"

So The KingofHearts went to get to know our possibly-new-friends better and I went to eat corned beef.  Only when we got there, we realized we'd been duped because they'd just gone and invited everyone on the husband's I gotta visit these people list at church. So we were not possibly new friends, but rather, check their names off the list for the month acquaintances.  We walked in the door and saw about four other families there and all their screaming kids and then I spied a woman who really annoys the both of us because she's kind of dumb and thinks the world revolves around her and I looked over my shoulder at The KoH and he just gave me a wild-eyed look, to which I said back, "Uhmmm hmmmm."

So then we were stuck there but he reminded me CORNED BEEF and also I couldn't think of a good excuse to turn around and leave two minutes after walking through the door.

We sat down to dinner and Annoying Lady sat right next to me and started yammering on about one thing or another until the hosts brought out this amazing platter of corned beef and cabbage and started dishing it out and she took one bite and asked, "Where's the corn?"

We all looked around.  The host said, "Oh, didn't I bring your dish out?" assuming she was talking about the side dish we were all asked to contribute to the meal.

"No, I mean, where's the corn?"

The host didn't realize what she meant. But I did.

Host: "I don't think anyone brought any corn."

"No, in the beef."

Host:: "What?"

"Isn't this corned beef?"

Host: "Yes."

"So where's the corn?"

Host suddenly realizing what I already knew: "Ooooh.  No, there's no corn in the corned beef."

"Oh, do you not like corn?"

Host: "No, that's not what corned beef is. It doesn't have corn in it, you brine the meat."

"YOU PUT SHRIMP IN IT?!?"

And that's when I won Saint Patrick's Day because I. Did. Not. Say. Anything.

Medal please.

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Movember Comes a Bit Early

Posted on 3/16/2014 08:58:00 PM

This is how we all left the dentist's office last week. In unrelated news, people seem to be staring at me and my family a lot lately.

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Minutae - Text Message Edition

Posted on 3/14/2014 05:21:00 PM In:
A series of loving, yet helpful and communicative text messages between me and my husband. Now imagine the stuff that I didn't deem fit to republish on the Interweb.


Are you home?

Who dis?

I'll take that as a yes.



There is a chair out with trash on the side of the road on the way to the church building and I really want it.  Tell me why I shouldn't do that again?

Bedbugs, fleas, tuberculosis?

But it's cool.



They cancelled my rehearsal and now I have to have a dress rehearsal tomorrow afternoon right before the concert.  Can you take the Caterpillar to her tea party birthday party?

Ugly.*

*note: this may or may not have been in reference to the cancelling of the rehearsal and not having to go to a tea party birthday party, but I find it funny, nonetheless.


Did that lady just say postpartum depression can be cured by faith?  Good to know.

Well, that explains why I needed drugs. No faith.


How do you sneak a day honoring several slave owners into Black History month?

??

Call it Presidents' Day.

You know they also created a country....


I saved my friend almost $200 on an auto repair.  That's right. My advice is worth $200.

Summer tuition is due.  What can you say that's worth $6000?



I think that video you asked me to check has music from The Hobbit.

The hobbit sings about coming unto Christ?

The video downloaded and played fine.  All the bad children become good and they sing like angels. If you play it backward, they all become addicts and porn freaks.



Can you bring a pair of shoes to The Caterpillar before 10:30?

At school? What does she need?

Apparently, she decided to wear flip flops with socks to school on a twenty degree day when there's snow all over the ground.  Teacher called and she needs real shoes. Can we just ignore the call and pretend we don't know her?



That guy from the wood shop called while you were out.  He said you were looking for pecky Cyprus wood for your night stand.

I said knife handle, but ok.

Guess you weren't clear in your message.


Can you turn on the front spigot before you leave the house?

Outside?

Yes. I shut them off for winter but the car guy is coming and needs access to a hose.

OK. But you should probably turn it back off when you're done.  Supposed to be another polar vortex this week.

Yeah, but barely freezing sounds more like pussy vortex to me.



The alcohol you poured all over my windshield might not have melted the ice but it sure cleaned my window.



Need anything from Michaels?

Maybe, I'm parked right next to you.



Your appointment is here. 

I forgot about him.  I'm in a meeting.

He won't leave. He wants to wait for you. The Caterpillar is now making him help her with her homework.


Are you home?

Yeah.

The all-seeing eye knows.


Boys II Men will be at the Fillmore in August.

Can we get sit-down tickets?

Oh, it's all standing room - even the balcony for this one.  I think I can listen to them on my iPod for free and sit.



Window cleaners outside my office window.  Tell me why I shouldn't flash them again?

Because we want them to clean all the windows.  They'll never get done if they just hang out at yours all day.

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Huddled Together Trying to Figure Out What to Call Ourselves

Posted on 3/11/2014 12:23:00 PM
Long time no write, eh?  Chalk it up to a combination of stress, too much to do, not enough to talk about that's fit for public consumption and the voice in my head being uncharacteristically quiet lately.  I'm trying to remedy all those issues, but it's a process.

Here are a few birds that huddled together under my eaves during our most recent snowstorm.



When we moved to this neighborhood, our neighbor told us these birds were called grackles (rhymes with crackles).  Both of us Westerners were familiar with the word, if not the bird, and knew it pronounced as greckles (like freckles).  Stuff like that is inherent in our neighbor's speech and despite living in metro D.C. for more than sixty years, he still mispronounces the word Wheaton which, for you non-Washingtonians out there, is a rather large city in Maryland quite near us which figures prominently in daily traffic reports so it's not like you don't hear the correct pronunciation now and again.  He steadfastly says Whiton no matter how many times the other person in the conversation corrects him.  

"Don't you mean Wheaton?"

"Oh yeah, that's it.  So I was over in Whiton the other day..."

We assumed grackle was just another loveable quality of our friend's speech that continues to endear him to us, like how he pronounces ambulance like ambahlance with especially hard emphasis on that last a, which is doubly funny because he used to drive the ambahlance for thirty years.. 

This week I was speaking with a co-worker who referred to the grackles in her yard and I said, "You must be from D.C. too because that's exactly how my neighbor says it."  

"No," she said, "That's... how you say it."

"It's not greckle?  That's how I've always heard it."

"No, dear, it's grackle."

"Well, what's a greckle then?" 

"I don't know but it's not a bird."
 
Confused, I consulted my favorite Ornithology expert, Dr. Google, and with a quick search found out that it's I who have been pronouncing the word wrong all these years and it is, in fact, grackle.  Boy, do I feel stupid.

Except that when I did the Google search and looked at pictures of the grackles, they in no way resembled the birds our neighbor was always pointing out and calling grackles.

As I was explaining this to my co-worker, I said, "Wait, that's not the bird we've always known as a grackle, those birds have speckled wings."

"Uh, no, those birds are starlings."

"Huh, my neighbor always calls those grackles."

Which is the worst pronunciation of starling I've ever heard in my life.

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Do You Like Fish? Well, He Likes You Too...

Posted on 2/22/2014 07:00:00 AM
The Caterpillar came through the door in a tizzy yesterday.  I asked what was wrong.

"I did NOT get 100% on my test today. And it's not fair! And I was right! And My Teacher was wrong."

Oh, here it comes.

I have often dreaded the curse that was placed upon me by my own mother years ago.  "Someday I hope you have kids Just. Like. You." is what I can still hear ringing in my twelve year old ears, though I'm not certain that this is what she was referring to when she said it.  When The Dormouse was born, I figured she was the physical manifestation of that anathema, but weirdly, The Caterpillar has proved that prophecy more than The Dormouse ever did.

"Well how many questions did you get wrong?"

"One."

Mini-me.

"OK. Well, what did you get wrong?"

She indignantly threw her limbs around as she opened her backpack and whipped out a paper, then presented it to me, two inches from my nose, with no chance of my eyes focusing on any of it. When I was able to wrestle it from her determined, trembling hand, I saw this:



She was supposed to have drawn a picture of what each animal eats.  Under squirrel, she drew a nut.  Under horse, she drew hay, etc.  I don't know what that tadpole-looking thing under the snake is, but my guess it's probably a mouse or something because she didn't get that marked incorrect.

Under shark, she drew a little girl.

I stifled my laughter and said, "Well, honey, I think they just wanted you to draw what the main source of food is for each animal.  Sharks don't normally eat little girls in the wild.  It's actually pretty unusual for a shark to eat a person.  Mostly, they eat smaller fish and other animals that already live in the ocean."

"Oh. I thought that was all that sharks eat."

"Where'd you get the idea that sharks eat only people?"

"I dunno. Television?"

Perhaps my glee at the possibility of a Sharknado 2 coming out was a little too infectious.

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Fundraising

Posted on 2/21/2014 08:00:00 AM In:
Yesterday at work, we had a meeting with a bunch of people who could potentially give us a bunch of money, so I was asked to be a part of the dog and pony show and participate in a presentation to convince this bunch of people why we were not only deserving of their bunch of money but also that if the other bunches of people they were connected with wanted to give out other bunches of money, we'd be a great candidate for that too, so couldyaputinagoodwordmaybe? (Fortunately, this was not an organization dedicated to ending the use of the run-on sentence in America, or I'd have had no nickel in that dime.)

It all went fine.  I showed my video clips and presented information packets to help them make their decision. We had a lengthy discussion about why we are deserving of their bunches of money rather than someone else who would like bunches of money.  I participated in the conversation and added salient points where appropriate.  I resisted every urge I had to make any reference, verbal or otherwise, to My Ass and was successful.  I did not pick my nose, nor did I reach under my shirt to scratch my armpits at any time.  I know ya'll! It was downright impressive. There were even a few tears based my moving, eloquent and passionate pitch. One man hugged me.

When we were finished, we all stood to leave and walked them to the door in a professional, dignified manner with the kinds of craploads of poise and culture that would make even Emily Post proud. 

It was getting close to the end of my day so I had picked up my mobile phone in order to not lose track of time and miss getting home for the kids' bus. (I have not worn a watch since 1989 so my phone is my only way of marking time.)  While we were doing that stand in the doorway and say those few last things thing, I slipped my phone into the small pocket at the waist of my slacks so I could shake hands with everyone as they left with the best impression possible. 

Only what I didn't realize was that I missed the pocket and what I thought was the pocket, which is in the front, just below my waistband, ended up being just actually the waistband of my actual pants.  So instead of putting my phone into my pocket, I'd really just stuck my phone in my pants and then it slipped down through my pants and down my leg and because God hates me, everyone happened to look down right as it dropped out of my pant leg and hit the floor.

So then I did the only rational, reasonable thing I could do.  I put out my hands to my sides, palms to the ceiling, one foot out on its heel in a jazz pose and said, "Ta Da!"

And that's why I need everyone who reads this to send me $10,000.

Thankyouverymuch.

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Like a Big Pizza Pie

Posted on 2/20/2014 04:57:00 PM In:
*commotion in kitchen*

Dormouse: "STOPPPP ITTTTTT!"

*more commotion, then silence. Caterpillar walks sheepishly around the corner and heads toward another room* 

KoH: "What. Did. You. Do to your sister?"

Caterpillar: "I mooned her."

KoH: "Well, that's not.... Mom, stop laughing."

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Bookworm

Posted on 2/19/2014 04:47:00 PM
If only she would be clear about what she likes to do with her time.



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Crimes Against Nature

Posted on 2/11/2014 07:00:00 AM
Dear Teacher, 

Let me be the first to apologize for what you thought had to clarify when you read my six year old's classroom writing assignment about Valentine's Day this week.

And also to thank you for clarifying. I would have thought the same thing as you.


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Cat in the Hat

Posted on 2/10/2014 03:41:00 PM In:
This is a cat, desperately trying to pretend that The Shortlings do not exist.


He's also plotting to murder me in my sleep.

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Me in 3 Seconds

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Washington, D.C. Metro, United States
Married, 40ish mom of two (or three, or four, depending on how you keep score) who stepped through the lookinglass and now finds herself living in curiouser and curiouser lands of Marriage, Motherhood, and the Washington, D.C. Metro Area.

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